Over the next few weeks Adam would rub my belly and say "you'll be here soon little one" these moments made me relax and feel comfortable. I was happy and could see a future with him. It would be Ava, Adam, Baby and me.
He would walk in and hug me all the time and whisper in my ear "we are going to have a baby and I can't wait" life seemed great. Nothing could bring me down.
We would go to the beach and watch the sunset and if you have ever been to Western Australia you will know there is no better sunset then on the beaches there. We would sit on a hill at Warnbro and watch the sunset. I understand after seeing this sunset how the sun looks like it dances on water. The sun was so large that it seems like you could reach out and touch it (this was my place and time to think). The colour was something that is hard to explain but the water would be all shades of red, orange, yellow, silver and black. Just magnificent. During these times Adam would rest his hand on my tummy and kiss my cheek. So comforting and any girl will know that this makes you feel special.
A few weeks later Adam came home from work with his mates and again went and smoked some pot out the back. Again we sat in the lounge room and chatted. I remember this one day so clearly as all my world came crashing down after being so high. Tina, Dave, A few others and Adam and myself were all sitting there. Adam was rubbing my tummy and whispering in my ear the same nice comforting things he had been for the last few weeks when one of his mate noticed him rubbing my tummy (he knew I was pregnant) "so Adam, your going to be a dad. Are you ready for it?." He asked. Without taking his hand off my tummy he replied "Nope we're not having it. Emily's having an abortion" as the last words came out of his mouth I was up and running to our room.
My mind was racing;
Why was he saying this after the last few weeks making plans?
Didn't he care how I felt?
My heart broke. I had to go and be physically sick in the toilet. As I lent down and started being sick I heard Tina yelling at Adam. I didn't hear the exact words but I knew she was not happy then I heard the door open and a hand on my back and Tina's calming voice "it'll be ok Emily. Don't worry about him he's wasted, he's an asshole". I looked up and said "Tina! I can't do this alone again" then I really broke down. My entire body was shaking and I couldn't lift myself but mostly I didn't want to move I wanted the floor to swallow me whole. "You won't Emily, I will be hear for you always!" She said whilst trying to calm me down.
Luckily Ava was staying with my friend that night. She had other kids to play with and she loved it there so ever now and then she would sleep over.
Tina and I sat in the toilet for what felt like forever. She went and got me a drink a few times and always came straight back. All I did was cry and I really wondered why Adam didn't bother to come and check on me. I thought to myself 'why has this happened? What have I done in this life time or the last that deserves me to be treated the way I have' this day I really truly wished I had not been born. I felt sorry for myself something I had never really done before.
I don't know why but when Tina said anything bad about Adam I defended him. I really was a mess.
Finally I heard the front door close and Tina went out to see what was going on. Everyone except Adam and Dave had left. I heard Tina and Fave talking then I heard the door to our room open and as I looked up from where I was seated towards the door Dave was standing there looking at me "Emily, don't pay attention to him he is wasted and he doesn't mean it" with my face red and my eyes swollen I replied to him "he doesn't want this baby. This is the second time and the most hurtful". Dave didn't say anything he walked over to me and brushed the hair from my face and wiped away my tears. This made me cry more as it should have been Adam! Wiping my tears away. Dave turned and walked away.
A say in the toilet/bathroom for a long time then I heard the door again. This time when I looked up it was Adam. "We need to talk Emily" he said to me. I had not long stopped crying and this made my eyes well up again. He reached out and grabbed my hands and walked me to the bed. He sat me down then he knelt in front of me. "Why did you day that Adam? I am so confused it has been great for the last few weeks and now this?" I said through my tears. I didn't care how I looked but I know my nose would not start running and tears did not stop flowing. Adam didn't say anything he just stood and held me, "it'll be ok Emily, don't worry" he said.
I didn't eat this night, I just laid on my bed curled up and holding my tummy. Adam curled up behind me and wrapped his arm around me.
The next day Adam left for work as usual and Tina and I spent the day together. My friend brought Ava back but when she saw me she said she could stay for a few days while I sorted this out. I was so very grateful. I missed Ava but I was a mess and I didn't want her to see me that way. Adam called me and said "Emily! We need to go for a drive this afternoon" I thought this might have been his way of apologizing. I got dressed nicely and waited with Tina until I heard his car pull up.
Adam walked in and seemed to be in a rush. "Come on Emily or we'll be late" he said as he rushed in and got changed really quickly. 'Where were we going that we would be late?' I thought to myself. Maybe he is taking me for an early meal? I really wasn't sure but I'm sure it was going to be lovely. I walked to the car and for the first time in just under two years he didn't open my door which I found strange. I opened the door and got in.
We drove for a while then we pulled in to a driveway, right in front if me was the doctors surgery. My heart sank why where we here? Was he ok? Was he sick? I didn't know. I followed Adam inside and he told me to sit down as he went to the counter. After a little while he came back and sat down. I didn't ask him what was wrong as I thought he must have been worried about something and I didn't want to upset him more. Adam didn't hold my hand which again I felt was strange.
After about an hour I heard the doctor call Adam. He stood up and then he grabbed my hand and led me in to the office. He sat me on the chair closest to the doctor and say next to me. For the first time that afternoon he put his arm around me. "what can I do for you today" the doctor asked. I thought to myself finally I will find out what's wrong with Adam. "Well doctor Emily is pregnant and we want to know how we can organise and abortion" he said as a matter if fact, like we had spoken about it. I didn't know how to react. I couldn't speak. The doctor said "well there is a clinic in town but can I ask why you want this?" As he looked directly at me. I was still frozen and just like the nightmares that I had had for a long time I couldn't speak, yell or scream. " we are to young to have this baby, we don't want to have a baby" Adam responded with no emotion.
What was happening here? I felt ambushed.
The doctor continued talk and to be honest I don't remember the rest of the conversation. I remember getting outside and getting in the car and the next thing I know I am at home and on my bed with Tina sitting there....
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